don't confess
by Stars In Tokyo
Summary: She glanced back and as she saw Snape truly suffer, an emotion hit Lily. It was a combination of sorrow and sympathy: pity. This would be his final chance, Lily decided to herself.
1. you went away

The weather was finally starting to clear up. The rain had turned into a drizzle; beams of light shone from in between the clouds. It was pouring as Snape had walked down from Spinner's End to the forest. He was completely soaked. But he did not even notice. His black eyes kept scanning the trees, searching for her.

After Snape finally dragged himself out of the Forbidden Forest the day before, he did not go back to the Slytherin dormitories; he headed straight toward the Gryffindor tower. He stood before the portrait of the Fat Lady and waited. He had tried this in the past and it did not work, but this time he was going to try something different.

After nearly an hour of waiting, the portrait hole swung open and out walked James Potter. He was alone. The second he saw Snape his eyes narrowed as he drew out his wand from his robes and pointed it right at the Slytherin's neck.

"_You_," James spat, as he glared at Snape with absolute contempt, "What are _you_ doing here?"

"I'm looking for Lily," he replied calmly, keeping control.

"She doesn't want to see _you_, Snivellus," the Gryffindor leaned in closer, "_You__disgust her_."

"I have to see her!"

"Is _that_ how you ask someone for a favor?" James responded, his wand now beneath Snape's chin, "_Scum_!"

Snape's hand plunged into his robes, but it was no use. The as soon as he had it in his grasp, it flew in the air and landed ten feet away. James was serious.

"If you lay one fucking hand on her," James hissed, barely an inch away from Snape's face, "I swear, you _will_ regret it."

He pulled his wand away and stormed back into the portrait hole, frightening the Fat Lady. Snape did not know what to make of it. But he kept his ground, not even bothering to pick up his wand; he was not about to run away again. This afternoon was a mistake. And he would not repeat the same mistake twice. Even though he felt dead inside, even though it seemed futile, he had to at least tell her. At least that way, she would know the truth…

The portrait hole creaked open for a second time, more gentle than before. A red-haired girl stepped out. She was wearing a white nightgown that fell mid-calf. Snape felt as though he had not laid eyes on her this closely in ages. He began to blush as he took in Lily's full figure; she had become more of a woman since the last time he stood this near to her. As her brilliant green eyes landed on Snape, her face contorted into a look of pure loathing. He winced a bit at the sight of her; she really hated him.

"What do you want, Snape?" she asked, folding her arms across her chest, "I haven't got all night."

"I… I…" the words became stuck in his throat. He had wanted to scream it: Lily Evans, I love you! But his pride stopped him.

"C'mon, spit it out!"

"Lily, meet me at our secret place," the Slytherin boy said quickly, "right when you get home… please?" She looked at him suspiciously.

"The secret place?" Lily asked, "That place disappeared two years ago, along with _you_." Snape stood in silence, staring at the ground.

"Whatever you have to say," she continued, "say it now."

"I-I can't…I don't want anyone else…"

"Then forget it," she interjected, "Deal's off." She turned on her heel, her nightgown and long, red hair swishing with her, to go back to her dormitory.

"Lily," he begged in a soft voice, "Lily, please… I'll never bother you again… I promise… please…"

She glanced back and as she saw Snape truly suffer, an emotion hit Lily. It was a combination of sorrow and sympathy: pity. This would be his final chance, Lily decided to herself. There was a long pause.

"Fine."

Snape looked up, eyes wide. He nodded and walked away.

Lily watched him go, brow furrowed in confusion. Why would he bother her after all of this time? After she and James were married, there would be no more of it, so she might as well allow him to speak his mind. But something troubled her as she went to sleep for the last time in the Gryffindor dormitory: what did Severus Snape have to say?


	2. walking with a ghost

Severus Snape patiently waited for Lily Evans beneath the ancient trees of their "secret place." They had called it that ever since they were children. Nobody else knew of their spot (except for that annoying Petunia). They spent most of their summers in their little grotto, away from everyone else. It was only the two of them, alone in their castle.

* * *

He was a wreck the entire train ride home. Snape sat alone in his compartment, wondering whether she would show or not. He glanced over as other students walked by; most never taking notice of him during the seven years he had spent at Hogwarts and the ones who did were glad that they would never see him again. All in all, it was a pretty pitiful existence.

* * *

Suddenly a red-headed figure came into view. Lily had not changed out of her school uniform; she had wanted to get this done and over with. Hear what he had to say, and move on. People had been mysteriously disappearing recently; everyone had begun to sense an unknown evil lurking in the shadows. They were living in dark times and Lily knew that Snape was somehow involved. 

They had begun to drift apart ever since they were sorted in their first year. Lily had known that Snape could perform curses and hexes that even the seventh years could not, but she did not believe that his new "friends" would have such a terrible influence on him. Once it became more than obvious that Snape was hanging around with not only the bad crowd, but with _criminals_, Lily felt the need to speak up. Of course, he just brushed her off, saying that she was taking their jokes too seriously. But Lily Evans knew better.

She stood before Snape, chin up, arms folded across her chest. He was gazing down, occasionally sneaking a glance at her; he felt her emerald eyes pierce through him as she looked upon him with such distain. Lily broke the awkward silence

"_Well_?" she asked impatiently, "What do you want?"

Snape did not respond; the words had frozen up somewhere deep inside of him.

"If you have nothing to say," Lily continued, "then I guess I'll just go home." She turned to leave.

"Wait."

She stopped dead in her tracks. Something in the resonation of his voice forced her to obey. Lily spoke slowly.

"What are you doing?"

* * *

Snape had first met the man that everyone referred to as "Dark Lord" when he was in his sixth year at Hogwarts. Lucius Malfoy had brought him to a secret location so he and the Dark Lord could speak, face to face. Snape was nervous; he knew that this man was becoming the most feared wizard of all time. His power grew greater with each passing day. The people of the wizarding world lived in constant fear and turmoil because of this one man. 

Lucius had not only refused to tell Snape where he was taking him, but he also put a blinding charm on him, for good measure. "The Dark Lord does not wish for his hiding place to be revealed," he explained, "Once you become a Death Eater, these precautions will no longer be necessary."

Once they had Apparated, Lucius freed him of the spell and Snape opened his eyes. They were standing in a dilapidated shack that looked as though it had not been occupied in years. Thick dust covered the floor and overturned furniture, but there were crackling flames in the fireplace, and a large crimson armchair was set before the flames. The back of the chair faced the entrance of the room.

"This place is dirtier than the house _I_ live in," Snape thought to himself as Lucius led him toward the armchair, "Maybe his is all just a hoax, another joke on Severus Snape…"

But at that moment, Lucius Malfoy knelt down, in the filth of that little shack, and announced, "I have arrived, Lord Voldemort."

Snape knew that a pureblooded wizard that came from such prestige as the Malfoy family would not get dirty for a cheap trick; he was serious. He had spoken the name of the feared wizard, which people do not just throw around on a whim. The tension in the room heightened as the armchair replied to their arrival.

"Have you brought the boy?"

The voice was high-pitched and cold, almost inhuman. Snape was anxious to get a look at the Dark Lord.

"Yes, I have." Lucius responded.

"Well?" the voice questioned, "Does he have a name?"

"My name is Severus Snape…my lord." His voice quavered slightly as he spoke, not knowing if he should even reply or remain silent.

"Ah, Severus Snape," the Dark Lord hissed his name, sounding remarkably like a snake, "I have heard _so much_ about you. Why don't you…come a little closer?"

Lucius elbowed Snape and mouthed a single word: "_Go_."

The sixteen year old boy moved forward with caution. He stood right behind the armchair; he could see particles of dust floating from the velvet, moth-eaten throne from which Lord Voldemort ruled. He stood still and waited.

"Come around to the front, child." He commanded in a near whisper, "Don't you want to…_see_ me?"

Snape gulped hard as he sidled around the side of the chair and stood before the Dark Lord. His eyes widened in horror at the first sight of him: this was no ordinary wizard. Voldemort's eyes were closed and if he had not just spoken, Snape would have believed him to be dead. He was as pale as a cadaver, with flattened facial features and slits for a nose, identical to a snake. The man who sat before him was only partially human, if that.

Snape had never seen anything like him in his life. How does a human being become so serpentine? He did not have a chance to think about it any further, for the Dark Lord had risen from his chair to get a closer look at him; he leaned in very close, his face mere inches away from Snape's, his snake-like eyes now wide. Snape became frozen to the spot as Voldemort stared out at him with his scarlet eyes. "He has _red eyes_!" the petrified boy thought, "So, help me, Merlin! _Red eyes_!"

A sinister grin cracked across the Dark Lord's face, and Severus Snape had the sudden, foreboding feeling that he had made a grave mistake.


End file.
